The Curse of Paying Attention.

Means that you will notice the years go by in the mirror and the faces of your friends and not look away, but remember.

Means you are built so the pot that you smoke and the drugs that you take and the alcohol you consume will give you two, three, or a hundred versions of the past, but they will not obliterate any memories, nor will those memories lead to any other place than the place where you stand. Learn to go without.

Means you will not be taken by something so cruel as Alzheimers, or maybe you might, or maybe you'll catch a bullet, or maybe your end will be nothing but this life on repeat forever and ever amen. But you will not look away.

Means your eyes will be seared in their sockets at the coming of your version of God (or lack thereof), yes, you will meet your fate with eyes wide open... I don't like it, I wanted to die in my sleep sixty years from now, or under a giant rock from space a thousand years from now, not meet my Maker awake, I hope it's not too scary.

It's the Curse of Paying Attention. In youth, you become a pariah, or you become a scapegoat. As you grow, you learn to measure your words, to pull in your feathers, to disguise yourself as normal. Or face the pain of exile. It's seeing and participating in what's going on, knowing your place in the machine, watching it unfold from a place up and removed from the map, but knowing your roots are forever mired in the mud, along with the rest of the world. Just because you can fly doesn't mean you never land, if you catch my drift.

March 29, 2012 at 5:53am
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